I don't quite remember a lot from when my parents fought back in the day.

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If this was a simple analysis to figure out why I hate conflicts, our sofa session would have started off with impactful recollections of my parents yelling at each other. Regardless, everyone grows up in chaotic homes. No place is perfect.

My difficult trait is shutting myself down. I am usually the quiet one among the three of us. When everyone around you is exploding at every trigger, you realise that the situation does not call for more emotions and noise. This trait, be it good or bad, has become my default response in crisis.

I recently had a falling out with quite a few people in my family. Problems particularly arise while I am handling tough situations (admittedly alone). When I have a problem that the other person is not willing to discuss and both of us are defensive, I tend to shut down (~surprise surprise~). I have been alone in my room running n number of scenarios in my head, wondering why life gets overwhelming and lonely at the same time.

I understood that the longer I do that, the more the negativity festers in my mind and affects my peace. Especially if I have to live with people under one roof and get along. So I called them into my room because I believe my room creates a calm environment for most people. They express their point-of-view post which I express mine. We go around exchanging grievances.

Sometimes, the problem gets resolved quickly and we might realise it didn't even need to be taken too seriously. Other times, it becomes obvious that the intensity and complexity of the issue at hand would send even a trained psychologist spiralling.

Either way, having to initiate these conversations is something I don't love. But since crossing the inertia of speaking my mind, I feel lighter. Significantly better even.

In the worker's world, the book "Radical candour" talks about honesty and building genuine connections with people in the workplace while being honest and caring. I believe we need the same skill for personal relationships (more so even).

This dialogue between people, as important as it may seem, doesn't necessarily lead to a favourable solution.

It merely promotes honesty and closure.